suchasourwolf | (no subject)

... okay that was a good point, and Derek wasn't sure how to refute it.

"You did it to protect your friends, and to protect Jackson. It was for the right reasons, you just -- can't tell your dad that. Which I know is hard, but it's safer for him not to know. Even if it cost him his job.

It might be better for him, anyway. The closer the investigation gets to the Kanima, the more dangerous it is for him."

"I know, but I hate lying to him. I've never lied to him like this. Sure, little white lies like the time I broke the vase that usually sat on the dining room table or the time I accidentally broke the ice maker in the freezer -- but those were just... things. I've never lied to him this much before." And it kills him, because he knows his dad knows he's up to something and he knows he's disappointing him by not telling him.

"I'm like, the worst son in the world right now."

"Believe me when I say you could never, ever be the worst son." He pulls Stiles closer, nose against his mate's neck as he struggles to find a way to comfort him. To make everything better.

Derek is pretty sure he takes that title, anyway. He was the one who got their family killed, the one to blame for Peter being twisted so completely. But he doesn't want to play the one-upping game with Stiles.

"Maybe not, but it sure feels like it sometimes." Stiles says, sighing and leaning into Derek's comforting warmth, enjoying the gentle nosing.

"Can I ask you something?" asks Stiles, but plows on before Derek can give him a yes or no. "Do you ever... think about having kids? Or.. cubs or whatever term you use?"

-- it takes a minute for Derek's brain to catch up to the abrupt change of subjects. You can hear the gears grinding in his head while his brain works to shift to the thought of cubs.

"Cubs, sure. Or pups. Or just -- kids. Yeah." He clears his throat a little and nods, resting his chin against Stiles' shoulder. "I do, yeah. Especially now that I'm the Alpha. It's sort of um, my duty. To carry on the line."

He hopes Stiles doesn't ask questions about that but who is he kidding? It's Stiles, of course there will be questions.

Nope, sorry, no such luck there pal. Stiles totally latches onto that bit of information and runs with it. Like a kid with scissors. "Your duty? What do you mean? Like it's your duty to impregnate every girl in your pack or something?" He asks, trying not to sound a little worried about that because he doesn't want Derek to think he's insecure or something about them -- he's not, really.

"I think about it sometimes, you know, having kids. Sometimes I think I'd make an awesome dad, cuz come on, I'm totally awesome." Stiles quiets a little for a moment, shrugging. "But then I look back at my life choices; all the lying and the getting in trouble and sometimes I don't think I'm cut out for it at all."

Help.

"No, nothing like that. Just -- my mate. Or um. Or me." His brow furrows a little and he presses his nose against the back of Stiles' neck to make it harder for the teen to look directly at him. Derek doesn't blush, not really, but the back of his neck does feel warmish.

"I think you'd be an amazing dad. So you know."

"Or what now?" Because wat. "Are you serious? You can... you could get me pregnant?" Stiles squeaks out, trying to turn back to look at the man but Derek is doing a surprisingly good job of being just out of his line of sight that he can't see him. "Or.. or you? YOU CAN GET PREGNANT ARE YOU SERIOUS!?"

Again, because wat? Just when he thinks his life can't get any more bizarre, it proves him wrong.

Derek shushes him harshly, clamping a hand over Stiles' mouth and pressing a finger to his own lips, jerking his head towards the direction of the subway car. Where cranky werewolves are still sleeping.

"Alphas and their mates can both carry cubs, yes. That's why I used condoms with you."

"Holy crap, you couldn't have thought to tell me that earlier?!" Not that he's going to take anything back and he certainly doesn't regret any of it in the least, but yeah woulda been nice to know.

It's definitely a lot to take in, that's for sure. He might need some time to process this. The fact that even he who is decidedly human could get pregnant. With a wolfbaby.

"I figured with everything else going on, we could save the wolves and bees talk for later. We were careful. We're fine."

Derek sighs and pulls away a little, feeling guilty for not having told Stiles sooner. "I just thought -- it wouldn't be an issue. I was planning on waiting for us to have sex anyway, but that didn't work out well. So we can talk now."

"Haah, that's cute. Wolves and bees, really that is." Stiles frowns though when Derek pulls away and it causes him to sit up a bit more and turn to face Derek more fully. Sure, this is a huge thing to find out about and Stiles understands, he really does, it's just -- you know, surprising. Really, really surprising.

"Okay, so let's talk. Get it all out on the table, spread it all out like newspaper."

Derek sighs and rubs at his forehead before he attempts to explain.

"I don't get the biology of it, but I don't get most of the biology of werewolves, anyway. No one explained, they just told me it happened and that was that.

Because werewolves are such a rare breed, especially now with the way we're hunted, it's vital that the pack continues on, even if the Alpha is killed. To keep from starting wars within the packs, it's easiest if the title gets passed to the Alpha's next-of-kin. So Alphas are able to have cubs, no matter what."

"Oh, huh, that makes sense actually. That way even if you were un-mated or you had no females at the time you could still produce an heir. Weird, but effective."

Like, when isn't anything in his life weird anymore. "Is that something you'd want? Cubs?"

"Or if a male Alpha happens to mate with a male." Derek shifts closer to nose at Stiles' cheek demonstratively.

His expression softens, and he nods, almost shy. "When things are more settled, and I'm better prepared to be a father, yes. I'd want cubs. But right now, the pack is just about all I can handle."

Oh. Ohhh. So... and with Stiles being Derek's mate... wow, he could get pregnant?

Huh. That. Well, that honestly doesn't bother him as much as he thought it would. Mostly, he thinks, because he loves Derek and wants to give him a family -- something he'd thought he'd never be able to do because, you know, he was a guy and guys didn't give birth or anything so he though they would never actually be able to have kids of their own, but now that he knew this... it was possible.

It makes his breath catch and his chest swell pleasantly knowing he really could give Derek a family. Stiles smiles at his reply and nods. "Yeah, I agree. Right now is... way too dangerous for kids. I think you'd make a great father, by the way. Just so you know."

Derek makes a derisive noise and nips Stiles' ear. "Maybe. We'll see how these pups turn out, first."

He loves his pack dearly, but they have a ways to go. And so does he, really. Honestly, he thinks if the pack would accept Stiles as his mate and would let Stiles educate them in the ways of wolfdom, they might actually turn out more stable. Stiles will be a good influence, once the rest of the pack gets over their initial insecurities.

With a sigh, he pulls Stiles into his lap and kisses him softly. "I think you'd help me be a great father."

Stiles hums into the kiss, smiling against it. "You'll be a great father without my help, but I'll be more than happy to participate."

Honestly, he had nothing against the pack and he's sure if they gave him a chance they could all be friends. As douchey as they can be, he generally cares for them and their wellbeing and wants to help, wants Derek and his pack to succeeding in being just that -- a pack.

"No, you -- " Derek sighs, frustrated at his inability to say what he means. "You help. A lot. Werewolves have to have something that anchors them to their humanity, to help keep them from going completely feral. Like Scott and Allison."

He wraps his arms around Stiles, nose in his short hair. "Mine has always been anger. Anger and guilt. But it's starting to change. It's starting to be you."

Stiles can't help but blush a little at that. Did that mean he was the Allison to his Scott? Which was kind of weird to think about in that context because ew, Scott's his best friend and he is clearly not a girl. But he likes the idea of being Derek's anchor, the one thing that he can count on.

He knows that if he ever, ever had to choose -- he would choose Derek. "Do you think... the pack could ever see me like that? As their anchor? Not, obviously, not in the same capacity that it is for you, of course."

"Everyone needs to find their own anchor. It has to be something personal, something close to their heart. No offense, but none of them were ever really great friends with you."

He sighs and nudges his nose against Stiles', nipping at him a little. "Don't take it personally. I'm not any of their anchors, either. Maybe some day, when they're more used to you as part of the pack."

Honestly, he isn't as upset as he thought it would be, more so because it made sense. They were wary of him and they had a right to be, just as Scott was wary of him being with Derek like he thinks Derek might break his little human heart in half.

"I don't, I get it. But I'm glad I'm yours." Stiles says, as he turns his head to nuzzle back.

"I -- " he starts, then stops, trying to find the best way to word it. "Stiles you know -- "

But the words are too frightening to say out loud just yet. He can't, even if he feels it more strongly than he thought possible after the death of his family. Even if he knows it in his heart, the thought terrifies him.

So he chews at his lip and rests his forehead against Stiles', closing his eyes with a sigh of frustration.

"Hey, whatever it is, you don't gotta force it." Stiles says softly, reaching up to card his fingers through the man's har gently.

"Just take your time, it's okay. I know you are a man of few words," he said teasingly, smiling a little as he tilted his head to nuzzle against Derek's face.

"Don't make me bite you." Though the fingers in his hair go a long way to helping him be less bitey.

"You mean a lot to me." He leans into the nuzzles, reaching up to stroke his fingers against the back of Stiles' neck.