suchasourwolf | (no subject)

Stiles hums into the kiss, smiling against it. "You'll be a great father without my help, but I'll be more than happy to participate."

Honestly, he had nothing against the pack and he's sure if they gave him a chance they could all be friends. As douchey as they can be, he generally cares for them and their wellbeing and wants to help, wants Derek and his pack to succeeding in being just that -- a pack.

"No, you -- " Derek sighs, frustrated at his inability to say what he means. "You help. A lot. Werewolves have to have something that anchors them to their humanity, to help keep them from going completely feral. Like Scott and Allison."

He wraps his arms around Stiles, nose in his short hair. "Mine has always been anger. Anger and guilt. But it's starting to change. It's starting to be you."

Stiles can't help but blush a little at that. Did that mean he was the Allison to his Scott? Which was kind of weird to think about in that context because ew, Scott's his best friend and he is clearly not a girl. But he likes the idea of being Derek's anchor, the one thing that he can count on.

He knows that if he ever, ever had to choose -- he would choose Derek. "Do you think... the pack could ever see me like that? As their anchor? Not, obviously, not in the same capacity that it is for you, of course."

"Everyone needs to find their own anchor. It has to be something personal, something close to their heart. No offense, but none of them were ever really great friends with you."

He sighs and nudges his nose against Stiles', nipping at him a little. "Don't take it personally. I'm not any of their anchors, either. Maybe some day, when they're more used to you as part of the pack."

Honestly, he isn't as upset as he thought it would be, more so because it made sense. They were wary of him and they had a right to be, just as Scott was wary of him being with Derek like he thinks Derek might break his little human heart in half.

"I don't, I get it. But I'm glad I'm yours." Stiles says, as he turns his head to nuzzle back.

"I -- " he starts, then stops, trying to find the best way to word it. "Stiles you know -- "

But the words are too frightening to say out loud just yet. He can't, even if he feels it more strongly than he thought possible after the death of his family. Even if he knows it in his heart, the thought terrifies him.

So he chews at his lip and rests his forehead against Stiles', closing his eyes with a sigh of frustration.

"Hey, whatever it is, you don't gotta force it." Stiles says softly, reaching up to card his fingers through the man's har gently.

"Just take your time, it's okay. I know you are a man of few words," he said teasingly, smiling a little as he tilted his head to nuzzle against Derek's face.

"Don't make me bite you." Though the fingers in his hair go a long way to helping him be less bitey.

"You mean a lot to me." He leans into the nuzzles, reaching up to stroke his fingers against the back of Stiles' neck.

Stiles just grins and sticks his tongue out, but keeps up the slow petting through Derek's hair. It's as calming for him as much as it is for the alpha.

"You mean a lot to me too," he says. "A lot, like, really a lot." He's wanted to say those words, those three one syllable words but he doesn't know if that's yet what he feels. But the more he's with Derek, in moments like these, the more those words feel right.

"Does it ever... I don't know, bother you? That I'm human?"

He snaps his teeth at Stiles' tongue, but his eyes are starting to close a little under the petting and headscratching.

"Sometimes. Because you can't heal like us. I worry about you getting hurt. Or that I could hurt you."

Oh yes, he has just found the alpha's weakness and he's loving it. He grins a little to himself as he keeps it up, scratching his nails slow over the expanse of his scalp, alternating between that and combing his fingers through the man's hair.

They're all valid concerns and honestly, ones he thinks about. Especially after a fight when they're all bruised and battered - when it takes him weeks longer to completely heal. "Would you rather me... not be?"

It takes him a moment to process what exactly Stiles is asking him. And it's tempting. It's really very tempting, to sink his teeth into Stiles and give him that extra bit of strength and security.

But he shakes his head, kissing Stiles tenderly. "No. Not unless it's something you're absolutely sure you want. It's not my choice. Doesn't matter what I want."

He lets out a breath he hadn't even realized he'd been holding in and nods. Relieved. There are times when he thinks he wants it. The bite. To be like them, to belong. To truly be part of the pack and be better. If it had gotten rid of Scott's asthma and Erica's seizures then surely it would get rid of his ADHD and his mind would be sharper, clearer. He would be better.

But then he thinks of his dad who doesn't know any of this yet and he retracts those thoughts, thinks being human is just fine. Because that's how he was born, that's how he was raised. But there are still times when he waffles back and forth between whether he wants it or not. He doubts he'll ever have a real answer. Not for awhile yet.

"Okay. But if I ever did... want it. You'd give it to me? I wouldn't want it unless it was from you."

"Considering only an Alpha can give you the bite, and I don't know any other Alphas aside from me, yeah I guess I'd like it better if you didn't go off looking for some random Alpha to turn you."

Derek doesn't fault him for the indecision; it's not a choice you can unmake. He'll wait until Stiles is ready. And if he's never ready, then that's his choice and Derek is fine with that.

It means more worrying over his mate, of course. But he'd probably always worry about Stiles, werewolf or not.

He bundles Stiles against him, hauling the teen between his legs to rest against his chest, arms firmly encircling him. "I'm glad you didn't accept. When Peter offered."

Stiles feels like a doll being moved around like this but he doesn't complain because secretly he likes it. Likes that Derek can manhandle him the way he does and it's warm and comfortable against his chest.

"I never would have accepted. I didn't want to be part of his pack, cause no offense or anything, but he was fucking crazy."

"He wasn't always. The fire -- changed him. It changed all of us. I used to be a pretty happy guy. No brooding at all." It's supposed to be a joke, but it hits too close to the truth to be funny.

"Thanks. For being part of my pack."

"You mean you actually knew what facial expressions were?" Stiles asks, grinning a little to show he too is just teasing, if only to ease the tension of bringing up the fire. "I'm sure he was a great guy, before."

His grin softens into a smile as he leans into Derek. "If anything, I should be thanking you for letting me be a part of it."

Derek gives him an 'oh very funny ha ha' expression to show there are no hard feelings.

"You're a package deal with Scott, it's not like I couldn't accept you. Besides, you know more about werewolves than some werewolves I know. You're useful to keep around."

He pauses, then adds with a smirk, "And you're sort of cute."

"Of course I am, are you kidding me? I'm a total catch," he says, grinning a little.

"Come onnnnn, you find me irresistible, I know you do. I'm smart and cute, that's like, the best thing ever."

"Sneaky. Manipulative. With a horrible taste in fashion." But he rolls Stiles onto his back to kiss his neck, to show he's only teasing.

"So what am I? Am I a catch?"

Stiles squawked as he's rolled over, then laughs as he stares up at Derek. "I do not have horrible fashion taste!" The teen complains, yet doesn't bother in denying the other things.

"You are a complete sourwolf and sometimes a surlywolf," Stiles teases, his smile softening. "But you're my wolf. And you're not a catch cause you're already taken."

"Okay, what exactly is a surlywolf." He actually sort of -- likes the nicknames. Because he's Stiles' sourwolf, or surlywolf, or anywolf Stiles wants him to be.

"I can't be a catch if I'm taken? You said you were a catch."

"A sourwolf who is surly," he says with a grin that widened at their playful banter.

"Oh that's right, I did say that, didn't I? Well, I guess that means I'm taken too~"

"You make absolutely no sense." Which obviously means that Derek needs to give Stiles a deeply annoyed look, and shift down to nuzzle and kiss at his hipbones, where Derek had left marks a little earlier.

"If I'm such a surly sourwolf, why do you like me?"

"It's a natural born talent," Stiles says, squirming a little at the sensation of Derek's warm face against his hip, letting out a quiet breath.

"Hmmm, sometimes I wonder." Stiles, purposefully, doesn't elaborate.